Settled

Care for someone without carrying it alone

This is usually the longest stretch. Start with whatever just changed. Come back when the next thing does.

Where to start

What happens, and when

Times are typical, not rules. Skip anything that doesn’t apply to you.

  1. A fall, a diagnosis

    Step 1: Something changes

    They need more help than before. First, work out what kind.

    • Coming soon

      Home care, home health, assisted living: which fits?

      The kinds of care, side by side, and the signs that point to each.

      Includes a checklist: Needs assessment

    • Coming soon

      What care costs, and who pays

      Typical costs by type of care, and which ones insurance covers.

      Includes a template: Monthly care budget

  2. The first weeks

    Step 2: Setting up care at home

    Make the house safe and bring in the right help.

    • Coming soon

      Making the house safe

      The changes that prevent most falls, room by room.

      Includes a checklist: Room-by-room safety check

    • Coming soon

      Choosing a home care agency

      Compare terms and staffing, and spot the upsell before it happens.

      Includes a checklist: Questions to ask a home care agency

  3. When it comes up

    Step 3: A hard conversation

    Driving, money, moving. Keep them in charge of their choices.

    • Coming soon

      When a parent should stop driving

      How to raise it together, without taking their independence away.

      Includes a script: The driving conversation

  4. Every day

    Step 4: Keeping track

    Medications and symptoms, written down where everyone can see.

    • Coming soon

      Keeping medications straight

      One list everyone uses, and the reminders that actually help.

      Includes a template: Medication list

    • Coming soon

      What to tell the care team, and how

      Notes that make a ten-minute appointment count.

      Includes a template: Symptom log

  5. When it’s too much

    Step 5: Sharing the load

    Split the work with family, and take real breaks.

    • Coming soon

      Dividing the work between siblings

      Split care by what each person can really give, including from far away.

      Includes a template: Who’s doing what

    • Coming soon

      Respite: getting a real break

      Kinds of short-term help, and how to hand over for a day or a week.

      Includes a checklist: Handoff notes for a stand-in

  6. A doctor mentions it

    Step 6: Hospice comes up

    What hospice is, how to choose one, and how to raise it.

    • Coming soon

      Hospice or palliative care? What’s the difference

      Who each one is for, what it covers, and when to ask about it.

    • Coming soon

      How to choose a hospice

      They are not all the same. What to compare, and what to ask.

      Includes a checklist: Questions to ask a hospice

    • Coming soon

      Talking with a parent about hospice

      Raise it gently, and keep them in charge of the decision.

      Includes a script: Raising hospice gently

  7. The final weeks

    Step 7: The last days

    What to expect, and what you might want to say.

    • Coming soon

      What the last days can look like

      Common changes, what they mean, and who to call.

      Includes a checklist: Things to have ready

    • Coming soon

      Saying what you want to say

      Words for the bedside, for you and for the rest of the family.

      Includes a script: Words at the bedside

  8. After that

    After a death

    When the time comes: the first calls, the arrangements and the paperwork.

Who can help

The people families usually call in these weeks. Each page explains the service before listing anyone.

See every kind of help